Loyalty

Having more time than usual on my hands, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Just to put it out there – this is not a good thing. I’ve been spiralling a lot when it comes to thinking about past relationships (mainly friendships) and their breakdowns (usually for one reason, but let’s not open up that can of worms today), and I have come to the major realisation that in the aftermath of these breakdowns, there is one thing I look for in a friend – loyalty.

To be clear, I’m not talking about blind loyalty. If I’m wrong about something, or acting stupidly (which I often am), I value people I trust telling me this. While there is a part of me that wants my close friends to not maintain relationships with people who have hurt me, I know this is not always reasonable and that I cannot and should not control who they are close to. What happens way too often though, is that I continue to hear about these people, how great they are and how much my close friends love and value them, even whilst knowing how much they hurt me.

I know that I sometimes expect too much of people which is something I need to work on, but I don’t think loyalty is too much to ask for in a close friendship. I know that I am fiercely protective over my friends and when they get hurt, all I feel is anger towards whoever hurt them. I also know that not every situation is the same, and sometimes this is not always rational or feasible, which is fine. What I do expect from my friends though, is for them to show me loyalty and give me a reason for trusting them to have my back when someone has caused me a lot of pain.

Is that too much to ask?

“The only people to which I owe my loyalty are those who never made me question theirs” – Unknown.